Co-Sleep and Peed Sheets

When I was a little girl, I had the most beautiful bedroom. It had a big white bed with a canopy, the prettiest sheets, stuffed animals and baby dolls of plenty, and a pink vanity. It was everything I could have wanted and more. Except... I never slept in it! I guess it all started because my Dad used to work nights. My mom found comfort in having a bed buddy and I found comfort in falling asleep to watching Melrose Place and ER while snuggling with her and her big glass of red wine. It became something I came to expect and even after my Dad’s schedule switched to days, he still would spend most of his nights on the pull-out couch in the living room and I would find my way into my Mom’s TV lit room where she would greet me, arms reached out and say, “come come, my Kassie” It’s safe to say after my parents divorced I spent every night in that bed. My room slowly became more of a play room and my Mom and I just liked our little set up. We moved to two different houses and I can openly and embarrassingly say I slept with her in her bed until the day I left for college. (Alright, you got me! Even maybe a few times after that on College Christmas Breaks). Now that’s she’s gone I’m so grateful for those nights I spent sleeping with her. I can still smell her “Design” Perfume and feel her rubbing my back. I’ll always remember the way she let me shove my ice cold feet between her legs to warm them up and how she let me stay up late with her drinking my version of wine: Juicy Juice Fruit Punch. Which brings me to my current situation. Sleeping with half of my body hanging off the bed with Cagney and her pee pads in the middle and Mark snoring on the other side. I have to wash the sheets every other night because Cags usually pees through them and most night I roll over onto a Peppa Pig figurine or two. My Heart Rate Monitor tracks my sleep every night and most nights it says something like 8hrs of sleep, 5 hrs of “real sleep” because a lot of those hours are me waking up to refill a bottle, changing a diaper, or re-adjusting my sleeping “drunk octopus”. She has a BEAUTIFUL room filled with DIYs and Pinterest Inspired Designs and yet, every night she is snuggled soundly in between us. But, not for a second will I pretend like I don’t love every minute of it. Do I admire the parents who sleep-train and have their kids sleeping soundly in their own rooms all night? Sure! Would I do things differently if we had a second child? Maybe. Will I regret the nights I spent smelling her freshly washed hair and hearing her sweet breath? Definitely not. We are all different. We all have to do what is best for us as parents. This is what is best for us. I will clean pee from our sheets every day if it means waking up the way I did this morning: with a soft peck on my cheek from my sweet daughter. And just as my mom always said to me “ come come, my Kassie” I will always be there with arms outstretched for my Cagney Rose.