Making Friends as an Adult
How do you make friends as an adult? This question has been the topic of articles in Huffington Post, Psychology today, Hello Giggles, Washington Post, Buzzfeed, and numerous other popular sources. Suffice to say, this question is asked quite often. I asked it to myself the night I found out I was pregnant. I was supposed to go out to a club and go dancing for a friend’s birthday and instead I ended up in Allegheny Hospital, with an Apple-seed sized baby in my belly and a head full of questions and emotions. One of those thousands of racing thoughts were, how would my friends react? My best friend Bri, who had already had a beautiful daughter was thankfully by my side the entire time but how would my friends without kids react? Would they understand? The short answer is: yes and no. Your friends without kids will always be your friends but the second you become a mom, you are launched into another dimension of life. Life changes from making plans to go out on Friday night to making sure Daniel Tiger is recording on the DVR. There are people who “understand” and then there are people who are “living it”. And that’s where Ashley came into my life. On December 3, 2016, I went to work at Lorraine’s hair salon and worked a full shift all while debating whether or not I was leaking amniotic fluid or just peeing my pants. 3 hours and a Large Big Mac Meal later, I was in the Maternity ward in labor. I remember as I was signing in, a few nurses ran down the hall and said Room(?) is ready to push. I say ? because I am completely blanking on the room number. Gosh, I’m a terrible Mom. Anyway, it must have been no more than 30 mins after that they were playing the lullaby theme throughout the maternity ward signaling the baby had been born. I thought to myself, “Holy shit! I hope my labor is that quick!” (Spoiler alert: IT WAS NOT). When the lullaby played, my fiancé, Mark immediately snuck a look outside of the room. He was shocked to see, his friend Jonny who he had done musicals with! What a coincidence! He and his wife and new son, Luca made their way up to recovery room while I was wheeled into the delivery room. The exact same room. 12 hours later, Cagney was born. The next day, Jonny messaged Mark to congratulate us and asked if we wanted to introduce Cagney and Luca. Despite, feeling like I got hit by a UPS truck, I agreed. Especially because the Hospital was forcing us to watch the “Shaking Baby” video and I certainly needed a distraction after that. They came down to our room, we chatted for awhile, and he apologized that his wife didn’t feel up to coming down. Of course he didn’t have to apologize because, as I previously mentioned , I too was hit by a UPS truck and knew exactly what she felt like. I didn’t think much of the entire encounter after that, to be honest. The first month of parenting was so hard. I remember crying every time my fiancé entered the room because I knew it would never be just the two of us again. I remember feeling jealous that he would love the baby more than me an insecure that he would never see me a “sexy” again. I remember watching Elf on a loop while rocking Cagney to sleep because I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Mostly, I remember feeling lonely. I felt like no one could really understand what I was going through in the moment, in the play by play. Then, Ashley messaged me and my life truly changed. A few messages about our pediatrician and his wild philosophies, turned into sharing cell phone numbers and parenting struggles, which then turned into play dates with our babies and much needed Mommy venting session, and finally turned into being a huge and vital part of each-other’s every day lives. Whether it be a silly photo or an “mom fail” of the day or a serious conversation about the emotional toll being a mother can take on you, we are there for each other. I can’t tell you how lucky I am for that. Luca and Cagney were both born early. But ended up being born 12 hours apart, in the same delivery room. That could be just a “coincidence” or that could be fate. Ashley and I joke about this “fate” of course, and discuss our kids falling in love and getting married one day. But the “fate” part of our friendship is true. We were two moms, starting completely new lives, struggling to find someone who could understand, and through a crazy twist of “fate” we became best friends. And we all know how hard it is to make friends as an adult.
