Accept the Unexpected

It is coming up on a year since I found out that I was pregnant with Cagney. Before I begin this story, let me say that Cagney Rose is easily the greatest thing that has ever happened to Mark and I. ( and the rest of our family) But, an unexpected pregnancy is one that comes with an abundance of different emotions that I am finally ready to share. I was late for my period but not the late where you start to become concerned. Mark brought home a rotisserie chicken for dinner. I normally love chicken but this particular day the sight and smell of it instantly made me sick. My mind raced a bit and we decided that I should take a test to be safe. The next day Mark had a dinner theater show two hours away and I sat in my bathroom with two sticks that both had a very faint second pink line. What did that mean? It was there, yes but barely there! I walked back to CVS and bought two more tests. This time that one that said yes or no because even I couldn't misinterpret that. I can't express what I felt in those few minutes waiting for the results. I had just started dating Mark and although I knew instantly I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him it was so soon to take on this huge responsibility. I've always wanted to be a mother. That had always been my ultimate end goal. But right now? Right out of college? Unexpected and in the middle of my Acting career being successful? I was filled with guilt. Especially for the people that prayed and prayed and tried over and over again and couldn't conceive and here I was accidentally blessed. It wasn't exactly how I imagined it. I prayed even though I wasn't exactly sure what I was praying for. Did a really want it to be a no? Or would I be disappointed if it was? I reached down, held my breath, and looked. "Yes". There it was, my answer. I mean four pregnancy test couldn't be wrong, right? I immediately called Mark hysterically crying. He was two hours away at a show and felt terrible that he couldn't be there but the happiness and calmness in his voice reassured me that no matter what happened we would get through it together. I called my best friend Bri and she immediately brought me to the hospital because I had been having some cramping and spotting. The doctors took blood and urine and said that they would either be back in here with a sonogram machine to see the baby or back with the next step to see what else could be causing the cramping. About an hour later there was a knock on the door. The doctors entered and following behind them was a sonogram machine. Pregnant. 5 weeks pregnant. I began to sob. Then the doctor took my hand and said, "Listen. I know this is the scariest moment of your life right now but I promise you in a few months it will be your happiest". He was right. I knew he was right. I called Mark and he was so excited. "Congratulations Mommy!", he said through tears and promised to be there as soon as he could. Bri started taking pictures of everything. I could never thank her enough for capturing those first memories and for being there for me through that life changing moment. Mark arrived and as soon as I saw his face and he held me in his arms, I knew everything was going to be alright. I knew timing wasn't what we expected but that we would be amazing parents. After I was released, Bri, Mark, and I went through Taco Bell and pigged out. Sorry Cagney, but you are made up entirely of Tacos and French Fries. I'm not going to lie and say that telling our families and friends was the easiest thing. It wasn't like the announcements you see online where everyone cries and celebrates. It wasn't that people were disappointed but it was definitely shocking! But Cagney doesn't need to know that part! All she needs to know is what she receives every day which is unconditional and overwhelming love. From her parents, her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, cousins, and her huge fan base that she has so deservedly acquired. She has brought so much joy into my life. She has given me a purpose. She has given my life new meaning. I cannot imagine my life without her and I am so grateful that she is mine.

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